Social Skills, Making Friends and Becoming Popular
Basic social skills will improve your life in so many ways. You’ll get laid more, make more friends, more connections, more money, everything. It is absolutely ESSENTIAL in life to be able to connect with people and build relationships, but unfortunately it’s a thing that a lot of guys are very bad at – including me when I was younger. I was fucking clueless from playing computer all my youth, so I didn’t know how to talk with people, how to make friends, how to become popular, and so on.
A lot of things happened after I started focusing on my social skills:
- I became one of the most popular and well-known guys at several schools.
- I achieved huge succes in telemarketing and street sales (top salesperson, averaging $50-100 per hour, record $10.000 in 10 days)
- I got a pretty insane dating life.
- I got several close friends.
- I improved my relationship with my family.
- And much muuuuch more…
In this article I want to share the most important things I’ve learned about being social. Some of them are principles I learned to implement when I started my self-improvement journey, and some of them are things I have realized later throughout the process. Matter of fact is that the advice I will give you below is based on SUCCESFUL REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE. I’ve put an insane amount of hard and effort into this area –here you go – learn from it.
1 – PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
Theres one rule that applies to everything in life. The more you do something, the better you get at it. And funnily enough, this includes social skills as well. If you want to become more social, DO IT MORE. Practice more, go out there and talk to people. This is the best advice I can give you. The more you talk to people, the more you listen to them, the more conversations you have, the better you get at it. I know this is just fucking basic, but a lot of guys don’t seem to realize that it actually takes effort, practice and hard work to excel in something.
2 – LISTEN MORE
A lot of people wonder what to say, how to sound interesting and what to say in the conversations. But honestly, the easiest way you can connect to people, make them feel good and build a relationship is to LISTEN. Everyone likes to talk, everyone likes to talk about themselves, so ASK more questions, and say less yourself. Just ask them about their day, what they do, whatever… make THEM talk and be the LISTENER. This is HUGE – everyone loves talking, and they will see you as a cool guy if you care more about them, and stop blabbering about yourself like everyone else. “Why” and “how” will be your new best friends.
3 – PROVIDE VALUE
When you want to achieve social status or make friends, PROVIDE MORE VALUE TO PEOPLE. A lot of guys don’t realize this, but if you want to become popular and have people to like you and have an interest in you, the relationship has to be a win win situation. They have to provide something for you, and you have to provide something for them. The value provided can be anything:
- A good mood
- Great conversation
- Emotional support
- Introductions to other people
- Economical opportunities
- Fun and adventure
People want to be friends with you if they benefit from it in some way. Everyone has a reason for their actions. This is an important thing to think about and realize. You have to be conscious about what you actually provide.
It depends on who you are, but you have to GIVE people something. Think about it – if you want to be friends with someone, it is because you see some kind of value in them – you get something from the friendship. Maybe they give you good friendship, maybe connections, maybe fun – but it’s ALWAYS a win win situation, and you have to be conscious about this. Provide something of value.
4 – BE INVOLVED
Another easy way to become more social is to be INVOLVED in the thing you do. In school, be a part of the party arranging committee, and be a part of the school committee. If you do a sport, be involved in the arranging of events. In the nightlife, be involved in a club when you go there a lot anyways. First off, this will make you meet people, and secondly this will give you influence on stuff, and therefore you will be more important for other people. Influence and power will increase your social status and draw people to you like moths to a flame or like young innocent teenage girls with braces to a huge magnetic cock.
5 – LOOKS MATTERS
Remember that looks and status is a big thing in our society, so the better you look, the more social perceived status you will have the cooler of a guy you are – the more people you will attract. If you go into a room with two guys, one cool looking motherfucker and one ugly overweight lazy slob with horrible clothing choice – who do you talk to? It’s just a FACT that to attain stuff in life, you have to optimize your looks and style – this will help you tremendously because your status will increase. And guess what – people like you if you have status. Also, good looks can give a great impression, and hide your insecurities. When I started going out at 16, I wore suit jackets and hats and people sometimes thought I was some kind of important person, even though I was just a little insecure kid. Oh, and it also helped me to look older so I could get in :D If you want instant improved social results, improve your looks.
6 – BE POSITIVE
In general it’s also very important to be positive and share a good mood. Nobody likes the negative guy – it comes back to the “provide value” thing. If people get in a bad mood or get dragged down when they are with you – you actually drag them down instead of up. So provide good feelings, provide happiness and provide energy. Show a surplus of power – not that you should be a dancing monkey, but… Let’s say you’re in a classroom, and something bad happens… Be the guy that handles it in a cool way instead of breaking down and complaining. Also, have a good body language, and a smile.
7 – GIVE COMPLIMENTS
Give people compliments. Tell them:
- Hey, nice shirt
- It was really good to see you
- Cool hair
- I like your friends
- You seem like a great person
- Etc etc
People like compliments, and giving a compliment is just a REALLY easy way to become more of a friend to them. Everyone likes to get told that their doing something right, so why not do it – it’s a really easy thing. Of course you shouldn’t overdo it and compliment the same person three times per minute. But once in a while, and especially when you meet a new person – make them smile, and they will remember you. And remember – honest compliments are best – dont kill the fat girl.
8 – TAKE A SALES JOB
As I said, the more you practice, the better you become. That’s why I also recommend you to choose a work where you practice your social skills at the same time as making money. I wrote a guest article for GoodLookingLoser’s website, about how sales will improve your social skills. Basically sales are about TALKING TO PEOPLE AND BUILDING A CONNECTION WITH THEM. Thus, improving your sales skills also improves your social skils. I recommend you to check that article out – it is actually one of the very first things I ever wrote: http://www.goodlookingloser.com/entry/swag-factor/improve-your-social-skills
9 – MAKE THINGS HAPPEN
Take initiative and make things happen. In your class for instance, (if you haven’t quit school yet) – be the one that says “Hey – why don’t we make a party on Friday” or if you’re in a situation where people need to take a decision, TAKE the decision. Say “hey lets do this” or be the one that proposes “hey lets go down to the beach and grill some food”. Be the guy that makes things happen. This will improve your value. If you for instance arrange a party, and everyone feels good – you were the one that made it happen, and people know this – YOU made them feel good. Thus, they like you. Also, being responsible for something builds your status as well. Plus the fact that you can be social at the party too – and rumor even says that girls love blowing party-arrangers in the bathroom ;-)
10 – GET CONTACT INFORMATION
Whenever you meet people, collect their facebooks or get their phone numbers. First off – this makes you able to contact them again if you want. And secondly, it shows them that you actually care about them and that you like them and that you enjoyed meeting them. If you show interest in them, they generally also become more interested in you. Of course you shouldn’t spend all your time chatting with people on facebook and texting on the phone, but the fact is that it’s good to have a lot of contacts. When it only takes 30 seconds to get a phone number or a facebook name, why not do it. It’s kind of a compliment as well – imagine meeting a guy, and after the conversation, he tells you “hey, you seem pretty cool, let me get your number and we can party sometime” – this will make you feel good, right?
Note: I generally advice you to delete your facebook, but if you really want to focus on your social skills, build your network and your status, it can be a great tool for keeping contacts and maintaining a public image – just don’t spend all day watching stupid dinner pictures, alright?!
11 – GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS
Remember that in this social world, the kings slash queens of the social life are the girls. The girls rule the social interactions, the girls decide which guys are popular or not, and so on. If a bar is full of girls, the guys will come there. The girls have a lot of power. I’m not saying they have all the power but they have a lot of power, so remember to also talk A LOT with the girls. If you want to become popular, friendships with girls are GOLDEN. If you see a guy and he knows a lot of guys – his status will be perceived as high, right. He must be cool if the girls like him – it’s like a stamp of approval. So remember not only to make friends with guys, but also with girls. Actually, I think I mostly made friends with girls, because… Well, I probably tried to fuck them, but it’s actually great way to build a network… Talk to a lot of girls, fuck the ones that are DTF and befriend the rest of them. It’s a win win – you actually screen girls for sexual availability, but you don’t throw them away if they’re not interested in having sex – you make friends with them and keep them as contacts – and you will probably end up fucking their girlfriends instead.
12 – MAKE THEIR DAY
Remember, when you talk to a person, you have to be conscious about WHY they should talk to YOU. Why should that person remember you? What are you gonna do or provide, that will make them remember you? People get a lot of new impressions every day – you have to set yourself apart – be unique, give them a nice compliment or give them SOMETHING that will make them remember you – make them smile, make them laugh, and if it’s a girl, make her a little excited, make her giggle, whatever. Make people remember you. Make their day.
13 – PARTY
When it comes to being social, we can’t avoid the parties and the nightlife. It’s a big thing of our culture, and it’s really hard to become a “big” part of the social life and have a lot of friends and a big status if you’re not part of the nightlife and the parties. This is where people meet each other nowadays – and you have to play by the rules and accept that going out is necessary. But hey – going out and partying is pretty fun, so why not do it!?
14 – BE HELPFUL
Provide value by helping others. Of course you shouldn’t make a whole assignment for someone or lick their ass like a puppy, but if they are reaching for something, just grab it for them. If they tell you about a minor problem they have, try to solve it for them. These are just small things, but they make a huge difference and shows that you actually care.
15 – IT’S NOT(!!!) COMPLICATED
When I was a loser and I decided to learn all this social stuff, I thought it was really complicated and I constantly thought about what to say and how to appear interesting and how to do this and that. But honestly, being social is MUCH less complicated than you think. If we break it down, to make connections or become more popular, you basically just have to talk to people, have a basic conversation with them and provide some kind of value, which can even be as little as the value of the conversation itself.
Don’t be afraid of having a basic conversation. Don’t be afraid of asking people what they do, where they live or how old they are. Even though you might think that’s boring and girls or guys get asked those questions all the time. Well, there’s a reason we ask people this all the time, because it is BASIC NORMAL CONVERSATION, and basic normal conversation is completely okay. It is NOT boring or WRONG!!!
- Ask people about themselves
- Ask them about their lives
- Ask the what they like to do
- Ask them what they were up to last weekend
- Ask them what they are up to today
It’s not BORING. It’s COOL because you ASK them stuff, and 99% of people like to talk.
You don’t have to do everything in a super fancy advanced way. Getting laid is not rocket science, and neither is being social.
16 – NATURAL TOUCHING
Another ESSENTIAL thing about social skills is TOUCHING or what the weird creepy pickup artist community calls “KINO”. Basically just touch people once in a while. If it’s a girl, give her a hug when you see her. If it’s a guy, shake his hand or give him a highfive. If you say something funny or you tease someone, punch them on the shoulder or touch them to emphasize a point. If it’s a girl and she says something naughty smack her thigh or ass. If it’s an old lady and you’re doing street sales to her, put your hand on her shoulder or give her a warm hug if she’s in the mood. Just do small and basic touching, no need to be creepy or overdo anything. But touching is an essential part of human communication, and it can make a HUGE difference. Remember, we are just animals. I notice it when I do street sales, I notice it when I go out or when I meet girls: When you touch people, you connect 10 times better.
17 – FIND ROLE MODELS
Another thing… When you want to learn something, look at people that have success and LEARN from them. Steal from them, copy from them. Get inspired. So if you want to have success with being social, look around! Look at the guys that are really popular – what are they doing, how are they talking to people, how are they acting, what are they saying? And then, do the same. Of course you shouldn’t be a parrot and be an exact clone, but you can borrow as much as you want – nobody has copyright on social behavior. That’s what I do in sales, especially when I started. I looked at the guys that were really successful and made a lot of money – and I learned from them. I used their lines, I adopted their attitude, I accepted the fact that I was a noob and they had success – and therefore I should learn as much from them as possible. And it worked very well!
18 – KNOW THE RIGHT PEOPLE
Everyone has some kind of social value and status. There’s the loser, there’s the geek girl, there’s the average persons, there’s the really popular persons, etc etc. First off, it’s good to make friends with as many persons as possible. But make sure to be conscious about the ones that have got THE VALUE. You should make an extra effort to befriend and provide value for the most popular people/ important people. You want to make these people like you, because their success will affect you a lot.
For instance, when I started making friends with the right people in the nightlife, with the right people in the school and when I became the guy that knew all the important people, I became one of the important people as well – because I was a part of them. So make sure to focus more on the popular people than on the loser geeks that nobody likes anyways – but be nice to them, give them a link to my site and tell them to come back in a year ;-)
19 – INTRODUCE PEOPLE TO EACH OTHER
Lets say you’re at a party, and you’re talking to some people you know and then some other people you know come over to say hi as well. Then OF COURSE you introduce them to each other. You say “Hey Alex and Dave and Christina – meet my friends from rugby: Chris, David, and Steve – watch out, they are can break some legs haha”
Introduce people to each other, and you will then become the link that connects people to other people. This is a very good kind of value as well – everyone likes a person, if that person introduces them to other people. You have to remember, that most other guys and girls are overestimated – they are ALSO shy or ALSO struggling with their social life, and they ALSO want to improve their status and meet more people. They have the same problems and needs as you and I.
Its actually funny – sometimes in this whole self improvement journey, we forget that other people have exactly the same problems as we have. You’re not the only one who wants to become more social, your note the only one who wants a good sex life, your not the only one who wants to make money and feel free.
Help people achieve their goals, help people meet others, help people get laid, help people get a good job and make money, help people work out and stay healthy. Help people achieve the same things, and they will be SO FUCKING GRATEFUL – ask me how I know. If you can introduce two persons to two other persons, then they have all just met two new persons today – fucking awesome.
20 – TALK POSITIVELY
In general, try to be positive and talk positively about other people, because if you talk positively about them, theres a high chance that they will talk positively about you as well. Especially when you become more popular and know a lot of people, the fact is that people TALK a lot. And if you’re the type that always diss and talk bad about other people, you will get a bad reputation too. So be cool and others will be cool to you.
Be honest and reliable. Be honest about things. Nobody likes dishonest people. And be reliable – if you promise something or arrange something, or tell people that you will do something, keep your word. This is a rare quality and therefore VERY valuable.
21 – ALLOW YOURSELF TO CHANGE
Maybe you went to school for two years and you have two years left. And for the past two years you might not really have been the most social guy, and you haven’t really talked to that many people. Then it might feel a little weird for you, just to change completely from one day to another. And you might be worried that other people will notice your change and tease you about it or comment on it. But you HAVE to allow yourself to change.
If you want to change your life – and that applies to health, money, dating, social skills and everything – you can’t worry about other people noticing. You simply just have to decide “Okay, I’m changing now, and even if people notice and think it’s weird that I was once a loser and now popular – WHO CARES”. Stop giving a fuck about what other people think.
If you want to start being more social from today or tomorrow, JUST DO IT. Even if people think “wow that’s a weird change” who gives a fuck. In a few months they’re gonna think your pretty fucking cool and they will then worry what you think about them instead!
22 – CHANGE ENVIRONMENTS
Something that can be a big help, is to change environment. Let’s just assume, that today, you decide to get your social life handled, and that you’re gonna take a big step to improve this area. If you want to make a big step, and you want to make a change, it can help a lot to change the environment, for instance changing to a new class, joining a new school, or moving to a new city. This is what I’ve done a couple of times. Of course there are ups and downs to this, but if you feel like you have a big change to make, and if you feel a little locked in your current social status, this is a golden way to get a “fresh start”.
If you’ve for instance currently went to a class for two years, then the social roles are very set… If you’ve been a loser for two years, it’s very hard to suddenly become popular. Therefore a change of environment can be a really nice FRESH START so to say. Kinda like reprogramming your computer when it has become full of bullshit that makes it slow (which is another reason to stay away from porn btw)
I did this in 8th grade, where I changed school because I wanted to get a fresh start. And I actually did it several times in my years in high school (I didn’t finish though – cause I realized the educational system was not for me). Changing environment is GREAT: you come to a new place with new people; nobody knows you and you can build your new image exactly as you want.
Also, when you go to a new environment, an added bonus is that you will meet a huge group of new people that you can add to your social network. This is actually an important thing if you want to build a huge network: BE MANY PLACES. Know people from your sport. Know people from your school. Know people from nightlife. Know people from different areas, and then, when you go out, you can introduce people from one environment to another and be the guy that “knows everyone”.
SO… WHY SHOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME?
As I said in the introduction, this is stuff I’ve learned through the past 5+ years, where my main focus has been being social, talking to people, building a network and getting laid. I’ve talked with SO many people, I‘ve worked thousands of hours in sales and I’ve made a TON of connections. Therefore this advice is based on EXPERIENCE and SUCCESFUL EXPERIENCE from real life.
I’m not saying I’m the superman of being social or that I have the world’s absolute best social skills. Not at all. But I did go from a fucking loser to one of the most popular persons in several schools. Oh, and before I ditched facebook, I had 2.500 friends on there. While the amount of facebook-friends doesn’t prove that anyone is cool, at least it proves that I had met and talked to 2.500 people…
SO… WHY SHOULD YOU TAKE ACTION ON THIS?
Once I was struggling with basic conversations. Now I can RELAX with my social life. And THAT!!!!!!!!! is why you should put an effort into maximizing your social skills. The better you get, the more you can RELAX and completely ENJOY it. When I talk to a person now, I don’t think about what to say or where to lead the conversation. I don’t think about how to provide value or what to say. It just FLOWS NATURALLY and we often end up having a great conversation, building a good connection. And this freedom, my friends, is fuuuuucking amazing!
The same thing is true about girls and getting laid. Once I had to be very conscious about everything I did. Now I can relax and ENJOY IT. I can hang out with a girl and just BE COMPLETELY IN THE MOMENT, enjoy her femininity and enjoy everything. I don’t have to THINK, or have any kind of voice saying “what do I say” or “what do I do”
Even though it has definitely taken a lot of hard word, action and determination to improve my social skills, it just pays off A BILLION TIMES!!! And because I decided to get my social life and dating life fixed, my life is fucking awesome. I can EASILY make a ton of money as a salesman, because I’m really good at making connections with people. I can EASILY get laid whenever I want, because yeah, I can just talk to some girls and see who’s DTF. I can EASILY start at a new dancing school and make friends with people, I can easily make good business contacts, I can easily … aw man it’s just fucking awesome!
While these are some tips or some techniques that you can use, I don’t recommend you to be a ROBOT. And I’m not a robot either. I don’t think about these things – it’s not that when I hang out with my friends or meet a new person, I think “oh how can I build a connection with this person, yeah I’m gonna do this, then I’m gonna do that, blablabla”. Its not like that. It’s just on autopilot. It has become part of me. But of course, when you start improving something – you NEED to have some techniques and be CONSCIOUS about stuff. So it’s absolutely OKAY to think about these principles – it doesn’t make you a robot or insensible or anything – it will just help you to form some good habits, and at some point you will internalize it and you won’t think about it anymore. I genuinely care about people and I am genuinely interested in the ones I decide to talk to. I only ask questions because I’m curious, it’s not something I fake just to build a connection with them. I really love meeting people and this brings me to another point…
If you really want to become more popular and make a lot of friends, you have to LIKE being social. If you don’t like it, you’re not going to be successful, that’s for sure.
SO… WHAT TO DO NOW?
This article has been a “quick” recap of the most important principles, but if you want me to be more specific about certain things or a certain principle, just ask for it, and you might get it…
But yeah, I hope this article was helpful, and I encourage you to make a list of the headlines so you can remind yourself about them every morning when you wake up. I promise you that if you make it a habit to implement those basic fundamental social skills into your life, you will experience a HUGE improvement.
But… you HAVE to get out there. You don’t make friends by reading or watching youtube videos – so call some people right now, or take your bike to the nightlife, find some people or some girls and say the magic word that begins with h and ends with i.