22 Secrets to Social Success

Social Skills, Making Friends and Becoming Popular

Basic social skills will improve your life in so many ways. You’ll get laid more, make more friends, more connections, more money, everything. It is absolutely ESSENTIAL in life to be able to connect with people and build relationships, but unfortunately it’s a thing that a lot of guys are very bad at – including me when I was younger. I was fucking clueless from playing computer all my youth, so I didn’t know how to talk with people, how to make friends, how to become popular, and so on.

A lot of things happened after I started focusing on my social skills:

  • I became one of the most popular and well-known guys at several schools.
  • I achieved huge succes in street sales and telemarketing.
  • I got a pretty insane dating life.
  • I got several close friends.
  • I improved my relationship with my family.
  • And much muuuuch more…

In this article I want to share the most important things I’ve learned about being social. Some of them are principles I learned to implement when I started my self-improvement journey, and some of them are things I have realized later throughout the process. Matter of fact is that the advice I will give you below is based on SUCCESFUL REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE. I’ve put an insane amount of hard and effort into this area –here you go – learn from it.

1 – PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

Theres one rule that applies to everything in life. The more you do something, the better you get at it. And funnily enough, this includes social skills as well. If you want to become more social, DO IT MORE. Practice more, go out there and talk to people. This is the best advice I can give you. The more you talk to people, the more you listen to them, the more conversations you have, the better you get at it. I know this is just fucking basic, but a lot of guys don’t seem to realize that it actually takes effort, practice and hard work to excel in something.

2 – LISTEN MORE

A lot of people wonder what to say, how to sound interesting and what to say in the conversations. But honestly, the easiest way you can connect to people, make them feel good and build a relationship is to LISTEN. Everyone likes to talk, everyone likes to talk about themselves, so ASK more questions, and say less yourself. Just ask them about their day, what they do, whatever… make THEM talk and be the LISTENER. This is HUGE – everyone loves talking, and they will see you as a cool guy if you care more about them, and stop blabbering about yourself like everyone else. “Why” and “how” will be your new best friends.

3 – PROVIDE VALUE

When you want to achieve social status or make friends, PROVIDE MORE VALUE TO PEOPLE. A lot of guys don’t realize this, but if you want to become popular and have people to like you and have an interest in you, the relationship has to be a win win situation. They have to provide something for you, and you have to provide something for them. The value provided can be anything:

  • Connections
  • A good mood
  • Great conversation
  • Emotional support
  • Introductions to other people
  • Economical opportunities
  • Fun and adventure
  • Knowledge/expertice
  • ANYTHING

People want to be friends with you if they benefit from it in some way. Everyone has a reason for their actions. This is an important thing to think about and realize. You have to be conscious about what you actually provide.

It depends on who you are, but you have to GIVE people something. Think about it – if you want to be friends with someone, it is because you see some kind of value in them – you get something from the friendship. Maybe they give you good friendship, maybe connections, maybe fun – but it’s ALWAYS a win win situation, and you have to be conscious about this. Provide something of value.

4 – BE INVOLVED

a sweet animal

a cock

Another easy way to become more social is to be INVOLVED in the thing you do. In school, be a part of the party arranging committee, and be a part of the school committee. If you do a sport, be involved in the arranging of events. In the nightlife, be involved in a club when you go there a lot anyways. First off, this will make you meet people, and secondly this will give you influence on stuff, and therefore you will be more important for other people. Influence and power will increase your social status and draw people to you like moths to a flame or like young innocent teenage girls with braces to a huge magnetic cock.

5 – LOOKS MATTERS

Remember that looks and status is a big thing in our society, so the better you look, the more social perceived status you will have the cooler of a guy you are – the more people you will attract. The prom king and the prom queen is very rarely ugly, right. And the ugly guy very rarely has a lot of friends or a lot of girlfriends, right? It’s just a FACT that to attain stuff in life, you have to optimize your looks and style – this will help you tremendously because your status will increase. And guess what – people like you if you have status. Also, good looks can give a great impression, and hide your insecurities. When I started going out, I wore suit jackets and hats and people sometimes thought I was some kind of important person, even though I was just a little insecure kid. If you want instant improved social results, improve your looks.

6 – BE POSITIVE

In general it’s also very important to be positive and share a good mood. Nobody likes the negative guy – it comes back to the “provide value” thing. If people get in a bad mood or get dragged down when they are with you – you actually drag them down instead of up. So provide good feelings, provide happiness and provide energy. Show a surplus of power – not that you should be a dancing monkey, but… Let’s say you’re in a classroom, and something bad happens… Be the guy that handles it in a cool way instead of breaking down and complaining. Also, have a good body language, and a smile.

7 – GIVE COMPLIMENTS

Give people compliments. Tell them:

  • Hey, nice shirt
  • It was really good to see you
  • Cool hair
  • I like your friends
  • You seem like a great person
  • Etc etc

People like compliments, and giving a compliment is just a REALLY easy way to become more of a friend to them. Everyone likes to get told that their doing something right, so why not do it – it’s a really easy thing. Of course you shouldn’t overdo it and compliment the same person three times per minute. But once in a while, and especially when you meet a new person – make them smile, and they will remember you. And remember – honest compliments are best – dont kill the fat girl.

8 – TAKE A SALES JOB

As I said, the more you practice, the better you become. That’s why I also recommend you to choose a work where you practice your social skills at the same time as making money. I wrote a guest article for GoodLookingLoser’s website, about how sales will improve your social skills. Basically sales are about TALKING TO PEOPLE AND BUILDING A CONNECTION WITH THEM. Thus, improving your sales skills also improves your social skils. I recommend you to check that article out – it is actually one of the very first things I ever wrote: http://www.goodlookingloser.com/2013/01/02/improve-your-social-skills/

9 – MAKE THINGS HAPPEN

Take initiative and make things happen. In your class for instance, (if you haven’t quit school yet) – be the one that says “Hey – why don’t we make a party on Friday” or if you’re in a situation where people need to take a decision, TAKE the decision. Say “hey lets do this” or be the one that proposes “hey lets go down to the beach and grill some food”. Be the guy that makes things happen. This will improve your value. If you for instance arrange a party, and everyone feels good – you were the one that made it happen, and people know this – YOU made them feel good. Thus, they like you. Also, being responsible for something builds your status as well. Plus the fact that you can be social at the party too – and rumor even says that girls love blowing party-arrangers in the bathroom ;-)

10 – GET CONTACT INFORMATION

Whenever you meet people, collect their facebooks or get their phone numbers. First off – this makes you able to contact them again if you want. And secondly, it shows them that you actually care about them and that you like them and that you enjoyed meeting them. If you show interest in them, they generally also become more interested in you. Of course you shouldn’t spend all your time chatting with people on facebook and texting on the phone, but the fact is that it’s good to have a lot of contacts. When it only takes 30 seconds to get a phone number or a facebook name, why not do it. It’s kind of a compliment as well – imagine meeting a guy, and after the conversation, he tells you “hey, you seem pretty cool, let me get your number and we can party sometime” – this will make you feel good, right?

Note: I generally advice you to delete your facebook, but if you really want to focus on your social skills, build your network and your status, it can be a great tool for keeping contacts and maintaining a public image – just don’t spend all day watching stupid dinner pictures, alright?!

11 – GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS

Remember that in this social world, the kings slash queens of the social life are the girls. The girls rule the social interactions, the girls decide which guys are popular or not, and so on. If a bar is full of girls, the guys will come there. The girls have a lot of power. I’m not saying they have all the power but they have a lot of power, so remember to also talk A LOT with the girls. If you want to become popular, friendships with girls are GOLDEN. If you see a guy and he knows a lot of guys – his status will be perceived as high, right. He must be cool if the girls like him – it’s like a stamp of approval. So remember not only to make friends with guys, but also with girls. Actually, I think I mostly made friends with girls, because… Well, I probably tried to fuck them, but it’s actually great way to build a network… Talk to a lot of girls, fuck the ones that are DTF and befriend the rest of them. It’s a win win – you actually screen girls, but you don’t throw them away if they’re not interested in having sex – you make friends with them and keep them as contacts – and you will probably end up fucking their girlfriends instead.

12 – MAKE THEIR DAY

Remember, when you talk to a person, you have to be conscious about WHY they should talk to YOU. Why should that person remember you? What are you gonna do or provide, that will make them remember you? People get a lot of new impressions every day – you have to set yourself apart – be unique, give them a nice compliment or give them SOMETHING that will make them remember you – make them smile, make them laugh, and if it’s a girl, make her a little excited, make her giggle, whatever. Make people remember you. Make their day.

13 – PARTY

When it comes to being social, we can’t avoid the parties and the nightlife. It’s a big thing of our culture, and it’s really hard to become a “big” part of the social life and have a lot of friends and a big status if you’re not part of the nightlife and the parties. This is where people meet each other nowadays – and you have to play by the rules and accept that going out is necessary. But hey – going out and partying is pretty fun, so why not do it!?

14 – BE HELPFUL

Provide value by helping others. Of course you shouldn’t make a whole assignment for someone or lick their ass like a puppy, but if they are reaching for something, just grab it for them. If they tell you about a minor problem they have, try to solve it for them. These are just small things, but they make a huge difference and shows that you actually care.

15 – IT’S NOT(!!!) COMPLICATED

When I was a loser and I decided to learn all this social stuff, I thought it was really complicated and I constantly thought about what to say and how to appear interesting and how to do this and that. But honestly, being social is MUCH less complicated than you think. If we break it down, to make connections or become more popular, you basically just have to talk to people, have a basic conversation with them and provide some kind of value, which can even be as little as the value of the conversation itself.

Don’t be afraid of having a basic conversation. Don’t be afraid of asking people what they do, where they live or how old they are. Even though you might think that’s boring and girls or guys get asked those questions all the time. Well, theres a reason we ask people this all the time, because it is BASIC NORMAL CONVERSATION, and basic normal conversation is completely okay. It is NOT boring or anything.

  • Ask people about themselves
  • Ask them about their lives
  • Ask the what they like to do
  • Ask them what they were up to last weekend
  • Ask them what they are up to today

It’s not BORING. It’s COOL because you ASK them stuff, and 99% of people like to talk.

You don’t have to do everything in a super fancy advanced way. Getting laid is not rocket science, and neither is being social.

16 – NATURAL TOUCHING

Another ESSENTIAL thing about social skills is TOUCHING or what the weird creepy pickup artist community calls “KINO”. Basically just touch people once in a while. If it’s a girl, give her a hug when you see her. If it’s a guy, shake his hand or give him a highfive. If you say something funny or you tease someone, punch them on the shoulder or touch them to emphasize a point. If it’s a girl and she says something naughty smack her thigh or ass. If it’s an old lady and you’re doing street sales to her, put your hand on her shoulder or give her a warm hug if she’s in the mood. Just do small and basic touching, no need to be creepy or overdo anything. But touching is an essential part of human communication, and it can make a HUGE difference. Remember, we are just animals. I notice it when I do street sales, I notice it when I go out or when I meet girls: When you touch people, you connect 10 times better.

17 – FIND ROLE MODELS

Another thing… When you want to learn something, look at people that have success and LEARN from them. Steal from them, copy from them. Get inspired. So if you want to have success with being social, look around! Look at the guys that are really popular – what are they doing, how are they talking to people, how are they acting, what are they saying? And then, do the same. Of course you shouldn’t be a parrot and be an exact clone, but you can borrow as much as you want – nobody has copyright on social behavior. That’s what I do in sales, especially when I started. I looked at the guys that were really successful and made a lot of money – and I learned from them. I used their lines, I adopted their attitude, I accepted the fact that I was a noob and they had success – and therefore I should learn as much from them as possible.

18 – KNOW THE RIGHT PEOPLE

Everyone has some kind of social value and status. There’s the loser, there’s the geek girl, there’s the average persons, there’s the really popular persons, etc etc. First off, it’s good to make friends with as many persons as possible. But make sure to be conscious about the ones that have got THE VALUE. You should make an extra effort to befriend and provide value for the most popular people/ important people. You want to make these people like you, because their success will affect you a lot.
For instance, when I started making friends with the right people in the nightlife, with the right people in the school and when I became the guy that knew all the important people, I became one of the important people as well – because I was a part of them. So make sure to focus more on the popular people than on the loser geeks that nobody likes anyways – but be nice to them, give them a link to my site and tell them to come back in a year ;-)

19 – INTRODUCE PEOPLE TO EACH OTHER

Lets say you’re at a party, and you’re talking to some people you know and then some other people you know come over to say hi as well. Then OF COURSE you introduce them to each other. You say “Hey Alex and Dave and Christina – meet my rugby team friends Chris, David, and Steve – watch out, they are can break some legs haha”

Introduce people to each other, and you will then become the link that connects people to other people. This is a very good kind of value as well – everyone likes a person, if that person introduces them to other people. You have to remember, that a lot guys and girls are ALSO shy or ALSO struggling with their social life, and they ALSO want to improve their status and meet more people. They have the same problems and needs as you and I.

Its actually funny – sometimes in this whole self improvement journey, we forget that other people have exactly the same problems as we have. You’re not the only one who wants to become more social, your note the only one who wants a good sex life, your not the only one who wants to.

Help people achieve their goals, help people meet others, help people get laid, help people get a good job and make money, help people work out and stay healthy. Help people achieve the same things, and they will be SO FUCKING GRATEFUL – ask me how I know. If you can introduce two persons to two other person, then they have all just met two new persons today – fucking awesome.

20 – TALK POSITIVELY

In general, try to be positive and talk positively about other people, because if you talk positively about them, theres a high chance that they will talk positively about you as well. Especially when you become more popular and know a lot of people, the fact is that people TALK a lot. And if you’re the type that always diss and talk bad about other people, you will get a bad reputation too. So be cool and others will be cool to you.

Be honest and reliable. Be honest about things. Nobody likes dishonest people. And be reliable – if you promise something or arrange something, or tell people that you will do something, keep your word. This is a rare quality and therefore VERY valuable.

21 – ALLOW YOURSELF TO CHANGE

Maybe you went to school for two years and you have two years left. And for the past two years you might not really have been the most social guy, and you haven’t really talked to that many people. Then it might feel a little weird for you, just to change completely from one day to another. And you might be worried that other people will notice your change and tease you about it or comment on it. But you HAVE to allow yourself to change.

If you want to change your life – and that applies to health, money, dating, social skills and everything – you can’t worry about other people noticing. You simply just have to decide “Okay, I’m changing now, and even if people notice and think it’s weird that I was once a loser and now popular – WHO CARES”. Stop giving a fuck about what other people think.

If you want to start being more social from today or tomorrow, JUST DO IT. Even if people think “wow that’s a weird change” who gives a fuck. In a few months they’re gonna think your pretty fucking cool and they will then worry what you think about them instead!

22 – CHANGE ENVIRONMENTS

Something that can be a big help, is to change environment. Let’s just assume, that today, you decide to get your social life handled, and that you’re gonna take a big step to improve this area. If you want to make a big step, and you want to make a change, it can help a lot to change the environment, for instance changing to a new class, joining a new school, or moving to a new city. This is what I’ve done a couple of times. Of course there are ups and downs to this, but if you feel like you have a big change to make, and if you feel a little locked in your current social status, this is a golden way to get a “fresh start”.

If you’ve for instance currently went to a class for two years, then the social roles are very set… If you’ve been a loser for two years, it’s very hard to suddenly become popular. Therefore a change of environment can be a really nice FRESH START so to say. Kinda like reprogramming your computer when it has become full of bullshit that makes it slow (which is another reason not to watch porn btw)

I did this in 8th grade, where I changed school because I wanted to get a fresh start. And I actually did it several times in my years in high school (I didn’t finish though – cause I realized the educational system was not for me). Changing environment is GREAT: you come to a new place with new people; nobody knows you and you can build your new image exactly as you want.

Also, when you go to a new environment, an added bonus is that you will meet a huge group of new people that you can add to your social network. This is actually an important thing if you want to build a huge network: BE MANY PLACES. Know people from your sport. Know people from your school. Know people from nightlife. Know people from different areas, and then, when you go out, you can introduce people from one environment to another and be the guy that “knows everyone”.

SO… WHY SHOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME?

As I said in the introduction, this is stuff I’ve learned through the past 5 years, where my main focus has been being social, talking to people, building a network and getting laid. I’ve talked with SO many people, I‘ve worked thousands of hours in sales and I’ve made a TON of connections. Therefore this advice is based on EXPERIENCE and SUCCESFUL EXPERIENCE from real life.

I’m not saying I’m the superman of being social or that I have the world’s absolute best social skills. Not at all. But I did go from a fucking loser to one of the most popular persons in several schools. Oh, and before I ditched facebook, I had 2.500 friends on there. While the amount of facebook-friends doesn’t prove that anyone is cool, at least it proves that I had met and talked to 2.500 people…

SO… WHY SHOULD YOU TAKE ACTION ON THIS?

Once I was struggling with basic conversations. Now I can RELAX with my social life. And THIS!!!!!!!!! is why you should put an effort into maximizing your social skills. The better you get, the more you can RELAX and completely ENJOY it. When I talk to a person now, I don’t think about what to say or where to lead the conversation. I don’t think about how to provide value or what to say. It just FLOWS NATURALLY and we often end up having a great conversation, building a good connection. And this freedom, my friends, is fuuuuucking amazing!

The same thing is true about girls and getting laid. Once I had to be very conscious about everything I did. Now I can relax and ENJOY IT. I can hang out with a girl and just BE COMPLETELY IN THE MOMENT, enjoy her femininity and enjoy everything. I don’t have to THINK, or have any kind of voice saying “what do I say” or “what do I do”

Even though it has definitely taken a lot of hard word, action and determination to improve my social skills, it just pays off A BILLION TIMES!!! And because I decided to get my social life and dating life fixed, my life is fucking awesome. I can EASILY make a ton of money as a salesman, because I’m really good at making connections with people. I can EASILY get laid whenever I want, because yeah, I can just talk to some girls and see who’s DTF. I can EASILY start at a new dancing school and make friends with people, I can easily make good business contacts, I can easily … aw man it’s just fucking awesome!

DISCLAIMER

While these are some tips or some techniques that you can use, I don’t recommend you to be a ROBOT. And I’m not a robot either. I don’t think about these things – it’s not that when I hang out with my friends or meet a new person, I think “oh how can I build a connection with this person, yeah I’m gonna do this, then I’m gonna do that, blablabla”. Its not like that. It’s just on autopilot. It has become part of me. But of course, when you start improving something – you NEED to have some techniques and be CONSCIOUS about stuff. So it’s absolutely OKAY to think about these principles – it doesn’t make you a robot or insensible or anything – it will just help you to form some good habits, and at some point you will internalize it and you won’t think about it anymore. I genuinely care about people and I am genuinely interested in the ones I decide to talk to. I only ask questions because I’m curious, it’s not something I fake just to build a connection with them. I really love meeting people and this brings me to another point…

If you really want to become more popular and make a lot of friends, you have to LIKE being social. If you don’t like it, you’re not going to be successful, that’s for sure.

SO… WHAT TO DO NOW?

This article has been a “quick” recap of the most important principles, but if you want me to be more specific about certain things or a certain principle, just ask for it, and you might get it…

But yeah, I hope this article was helpful, and I encourage you to make a list of the headlines so you can remind yourself about them every morning when you wake up. I promise you that if you make it a habit to implement those basic fundamental social skills into your life, you will experience a HUGE improvement.

But… you HAVE to get out there. You don’t make friends by reading or watching youtube videos – so call some people right now, or take your bike to the nightlife, find some people or some girls and say the magic word that begins with h and ends with i.

Leave a Comment

  • Reply TjalfeH 9. October 2013, 8:20 PM

    Amazing post!

    I just have some questions..

    I you start to a new sport for example – what do you say to these new people and how do you get the friendship to be beyond the sport?
    And how do I meet new people at my college if it’s not at a party, in the student council etc?

    I know I overthink this, but it’s hard me not doing it.

    • Reply Boy Toy 10. October 2013, 10:23 AM

      You follow the principles I have just told you: ask them about stuff, talk with them, etc etc
      At college you talk with the people you know, and every time their friends come over, you meet those people too. Also, you take initiative and start stuff, which will give you a great reason to talk to new people (promoting a party, asking questions for the student council, selling student shirts, etc)
      http://www.boytoystory.com/productivity-stop-thinking-start-doing/

  • Reply Kamarinskaya 9. October 2013, 11:30 PM

    “like young innocent teenage girls with braces to a huge magnetic cock” LOL !! I love that line.

    This article is one of the best you’ve written. I can relate to it a lot (because I worked on my social skills too). When you say that fixing your poor social skills allow you to relax about it, it’s the absolute truth. Back in high school, I was a gigantic loser and I couldn’t even have conversations with my friends (I had only 2 friends, and one of them was a loser too. Both of them were no-lifes, but one of them (the “not a loser” one) was funny and actually had good social skills. In fact, he talked 95% of the time when he was with me). Now, I can have a conversation with anyone who’s not completely introverted (which means I can talk to anyone except those who answer to all my questions with one word). It seems normal to me, but when I feel like shit about my sex/social life, I’m like “yeah, but I improved a lot” and I immediately feel better. People around me aren’t getting much more pussy than me, and are not much more skilled socially than I am. And those who are at my level aren’t usually aware of it and don’t try to improve themselves…

    Your article reminded me that I needed to work on my touching. I’m currently working in a school, and two of my co-workers are cool, muscular black guys who dress pretty well (better than like 70% of the people you see, and a bit better than me) and the fact that they’re touching people a lot when they talk (even in a non-sexual way) makes them even cooler because it shows that they’re comfortable around people. The absence of natural touching is surely one of the things that makes (probably) DTF girls I know uninterested after seeing me a few times… They must think that I’m asexual or gay lol.

    Also, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of being a guy who asks people for their contact details, or throws a party… people usually don’t do it, not because they don’t like you, but because they don’t have the balls to do it. Be it girls or guys. I used to wait for people to “make that move” and I went out a lot less than I do now. And there’s no need to say that I was a virgin, because that’s pretty much obvious.

    And last but not least, as I posted on GLL in a comment, don’t be afraid to change : if you see a fat, unattractive girl starting to work out/eat better/etc. it might seem weird, but you’re not gonna care anymore when she’s hot enough for you to chase her. And if you don’t see her for like 2 years and she became hot, you’ll instantly forget the she was once ugly… If I meet people from my high school again, they’re not gonna see me as the loser I was but as the person I’m now. Which means, a decently cool guy.

    Also BoyToy, when you talk about people becoming social “robots” who are always thinking about what they have to say and what this conversation means etc. it reminds me of how ALL THE FUCKING PUAS THINK. They’re using codewords for everything (kino, sets, target, anchoring, plowing, fool’s mate…) and are constantly viewing social interaction as some kind of business transaction… which is their undoing, as they 1) don’t enjoy the moment and 2) come across as weirdoes.

    Just for fun, I’m going to give you what Mystery calls a fool’s mate : that’s fucking a girl too fast – actually, less than 7 hours after meeting her. And he thinks it’s bad because “it’s too easy”. Yeah right, exactly the kind of advice I need if I wanna get laid… thanks BoyToy and GLL for bringing down that bullshit !

    • Reply Boy Toy 10. October 2013, 10:30 AM

      Yeah, few people are just fucking impossible to talk to – and that doesnt mean that you have bad social skills, it just means that they SUCK haha :D
      Yup, when you see cool high status guys, you notice they touch both guys and girls. Touching people shows that you are comfortable = you are confident and cool.
      And yes, the big problem with the “pickup-artist”guys is that they are robots, and they see social interaction as a game, instead of something natural.
      HAHA on that “fools mate” thing. You know what I call a fools mate? When someone wastes more than 7 hours with a girl without getting sexual. Because then he’s a fool :P

  • Reply dc 10. October 2013, 12:22 AM

    great video, great article. solid advice man. I’m working on my social skills and I want to get in the popular circles, but I don’t know what value to provide to the already cool people. I have confidence issues that they are cooler than me and I have nothing to offer. What did you do back then?

    • Reply Boy Toy 10. October 2013, 10:31 AM

      Work on your life so that you have more to offer. Also, just fake it till you make it, and remember that value can also just be good company or making things happen. Back then I just talked to a lot of people, and this alone is valuable, because people like to talk, and because then I knew many people and sometimes introduced them to each other. I also got involved in the party-comitee at the school, in the nightlife, and stuff like that:)

  • Reply Ghost 10. October 2013, 9:53 AM

    Awesome post Thomas!

    • Reply Boy Toy 10. October 2013, 10:34 AM

      Thanks my friend!

  • Reply Zilver 10. October 2013, 1:25 PM

    This article is just gold. I’m always looking forward to your writing, apart from the occasional grammar/spelling mistake it’s just honest advice from someone who started from the bottom and figured out everything along the way.

    -21 is the most important one IMHO. Whenever I catch myself questioning my new behavior, asking “is this hair/clothong style really me” etc. I think “no it isn’t me -at the moment-, but it can become the new me if I really want. It all comes down to practice and willpower.

    To the point about socializing being something you should like I have to say,
    no, not everybody is fun to be with, you have to look for the people you can connect with.
    Say you’re a sports guy, you’ll look for others in teams. If you’re the artsy type, you’ll click better with people with such similar interests.
    That’s not to say you shouldn’t expand your horizon by meeting various kinds people ofc.
    Find the guys who are cool and the girls who are cool/dtf.

    (Rather long post again, maybe I should pick up writing ^^)

    • Reply Boy Toy 11. October 2013, 7:31 AM

      Thanks buddy, glad you like my work:)
      Yeah, its really important to allow yourself to change. Some guys are too stubborn and say “I dont want to change myself, I am as I am”. That is pretty stupid, if their current “myself” is not 100% happy about the results it is getting. But many guys are afraid of change, and afraid of going out of their comfort zone. Such a shame.
      Sure, you should “scren” in your socializing too, and some people just ARE boring as fuck – forget about them, and find the cool ones yeah!

  • Reply Newguy 10. October 2013, 6:46 PM

    Great post, Thomas!

    I think it would help alot of guys, my self included

    • Reply Boy Toy 11. October 2013, 7:38 AM

      It will – if you take action ;)

  • Reply Benjyboi 11. October 2013, 8:21 AM

    Awesome, I read this yesterday and went out, made some good connections with some people who I was awkward around. Thanks Boytoy I think I will have many good friends soon. Taking action is so fun even when you fail!

    • Reply Boy Toy 12. October 2013, 7:48 AM

      Perfect buddy. Yup, taking action always includes a little failing, but its SOOO much better than sitting on your ass at home.

  • Reply Good Looking Loser 11. October 2013, 1:47 PM

    Good writeup man, all very much valid.

    Another thing that I think guys should know is- the average person (guy) doesn’t have good social skills.

    They are waiting to be spoken too and they are comfortable in a Q&A sessions where they can talk about themselves. It’s on us (guys) to make them comfortable . If you are tall (as BoyToy would know)- the person that is just answering your questions but not asking you anything back about yourself – is usually scared and timid.

    They don’t think you are going to rape them or rob them – but a lot of guys “don’t feel worthy” to talk to cooler guys, so they give short answers and it comes off as disinterest.

    Interactions with strangers don’t have to be smooth – introverted guys def. need to try and get past this. People are just happy that you are talking to them- it doesn’t have to be smooth

    • Reply Boy Toy 12. October 2013, 7:51 AM

      Thanks Chris.
      Yeah good point, which I tried to point out but maybe I should have done it more clearly: WE ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES THAT MIGHT BE STRUGGLING WITH SOMETHING. Everyone has their problems. And yes – a lot of guys doesn’t have good social skills. And yes – people AND girls will usually be happy just from the fact that you talk to them – it definitely doesn’t have to be smooth. Nobody is smooth. I’m not smooth either. But I take action, and thats ALL THAT MATTERS.

  • Reply Grim Reaper 11. October 2013, 2:16 PM

    Great job again, Boy Toy!

    I actually though about writing an article about “how to make friends and getting social” myself. There has recently been a lot of dudes on GLL, who ask for advice on “how to get friends” or “how do I become more social” .. But you did a fine job ;)

    I reckon the recipe for developing friendships is like this:

    Time + shared experiences + commen goals + good emotions = friendship.

    • Reply Boy Toy 12. October 2013, 7:56 AM

      Thanks you crazy Dane!
      Yup, basic social skills is very needed in the self-improvement community. You can actually see quite a lot of people that have huge courage, but lack result because of missing social skills.
      Time + shared experiences + common goals + good emotions … You hit that spot on my friend!!

  • Reply Nick 13. October 2013, 3:34 PM

    Great video, and once again, inspirational stuff my friend. I love you too! :P

  • Reply Michael 15. October 2013, 10:39 PM

    Hey BoyToy, thanks for this artice. I just wanna say, I’ve signed up for a dancing class – salsa, which is something I would never do before. I’m also free from porn & masturbating for a 1.5 month now. I started going out to clubs, but my dancing skills are poor and so is confidence, so I couldn’t get girls. I’m now working on it! I have a lot work to do, like going out and asking girls for their numbers or something, but for now I’ll focus on dancing class.

    I guess you’re my mentor now, haha. I cannot imagine I could achieve anything similiar to what you achieved. I’ve been such a loser my whole life. But moving out from your city really helps, it gave me a kick to change things. I’ll denitely stay here, and somehow I’ll try to go outside my comfort zone!

    • Reply Boy Toy 19. October 2013, 9:49 AM

      Good choice. Salsa is awesome. And quitting PMO is very good as well.
      You are only 19 – if you keep taking action you will become much more of a man than 95% of the world.

  • Reply MrBallerholic 26. October 2013, 8:47 PM

    Fucking tremendous post!

  • Reply ssk08 27. October 2013, 10:37 PM

    Can you explain a bit how it improved you relationship to your family? Did you become more open or what?

    • Reply Boy Toy 6. November 2013, 10:43 PM

      More open, more relaxed, more positive, better athmosphere, better conflict handling, better understanding of each other, etc etc

  • Reply Malik 21. November 2013, 7:15 AM

    Yo
    I know you just said, reading shit ain’t gonna make you a social beast, but I’d just like to suggest this amazing book : How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I read and re-read it multiple times a month and try hard to apply the principles in this book, which are incredibly similar to what you just said, man! (Maybe you read it? :p )
    Anyways, even if you do read it, or this blog or any other shit, it’s not gonna work if you don’t go out and TRY to be sociable, which is easy as fuck tbh. So, go ! Make friends ! People aren’t monsters !

    Great blog btw, this post is just super awesome ! Good continuation man !

    • Reply Boy Toy 27. November 2013, 12:39 PM

      Hey Malik
      I read “How To Win Friends and Influence People” a few years ago. Good book yes.
      And yes – no advice works unless you GO OUT AND TAKE ACTION. Very good point.
      99/100 people like to be social. The last 1/100 are fucking weirdos.
      Glad you like my site buddy. Keep in touch.

  • Reply Mark 8. January 2014, 12:23 AM

    Hey man, i love this post, very informative and true … I have a problem with overthinking things, like when i read this post i start to visulize me trying to improve my social skills by starting to just smile and say hi to random ppl, and in my mind i keep seeing myself pussying out and people looking at me like im a weirdo and this is disencouraging me to actually go out there and apply this … do you have like a beginner guide on how to start improving once social skills, just to break the ice so to speak

    cheers man!

  • Reply Summer 3. February 2014, 12:13 PM

    Thank you for your article. It is great.

    I know you said not to be a robot but you also said to have role models. Who are some good role models anyone can have like from movies.

    • Reply Boy Toy 5. February 2014, 1:20 PM

      Watch less movies and spend more time watching and creating your own movie (life).